Angel Standing By
Disclaimer: These characters belong to
Joss Whedon and the WB
network. "Angel Standing By" written and performed by Jewel on
Album "Peices of You".
All through the night, I'll be watching over you,
All through the night, I'll be standing over you.
Angel sat at the bedside of his love. Buffy had just crawled in the
window about 20 minutes ago, layed down on her bed and promptly
passed out. A hard night of slaying had left her worn out. She still
got hurt, she still was human, she still needed her rest. But when
she slept, he was still awake. He had things he could do. But he
thought, he would never leave her. She was far too important to him.
He reached down and gently pulled the covers up over her sleeping
form, being careful not to disturb her. Looking down at her face in
the moonlight, he was suddenly struck be who was the real ‘angel’
here. She was so beautiful...
He thought back to the times he’d seen her out at night. She was so
bold... standing there, hands on her hips, talking ‘big’ to vampires
older and stronger than she was. Then she would move... with a grace,
a determination within her diminutive figure matched only by her
passion for what she considered a ‘job’ inside. It was this passion
inside, this boldness, brashness, ambition, whatever you wanted to
call it... that attracted him to her. She was magnificent. The most
magnificent being he had come across in his 242 years. And she had
dared to love him back.
Something had drawn them together. He remembered their first kiss at
the Bronze, both stating they were walking away, and then...
“Wow.” Buffy said. Angel smiled at her, an almost joyous feeling
growing inside him.
“You can say that again.” he replied. She did so, and he rolled his
eyes ever so slightly. He remembered looking at her, somewhat
sheepishly, and said “So what now?”
“I don’t know... I don’t think this has ever been done before.” she
“No, I don’t think too many slayers have been involved like this with
vampires.” He led her over to an empty table, and they sat, hand in
hand. He looked from their hands up to her eyes. “You know there will
She looked back and bestowed upon him the sweetest smile he had ever
seen at that time in his life. “I don’t care, Angel. We don’t exactly
have the knowledge of what will happen here. You and I... we were
brought together for a reason. We found each other... I think that
He nodded slightly, leaned over, and kissed her again, softly. “By
the way...” he started. She looked at him, expectantly, her face mere
inches from his. “I am your friend.”
That was the beginning. He had fought along side her at night,
dreaming about her during the day. He watched her constantly, even
when she didn’t know he was there, wanting to make sure she was safe,
kept from harm, and just protected. She was far too valuable for him
to risk losing. He needed her... she was his love, his soul, his
salvation. Through her, he would live again.
And through bad dreams, I'll be right there, baby,
telling you everything is gonna be all right.
Angel blinked, pulling out of his reverie as she shifted in her
sleep. She turned face towards him, the shafts of moonlight
highlighting her blonde hair. He reached down and softly brushed it
from her face. She had grown so much since they first met. She was
now 18, and he knew she had passed the slayer’s trial of adulthood.
He remembered waking up late one afternoon as the sun set to a
pounding on the door. It was Buffy. He had seen her upset before, but
never like this. Her eyeliner was running, her eyes red and puffy
from crying, and she ran straight into his arms and began sobbing. He
managed to her the door shut, and then just stood there with her in
his arms, and held her. You had to learn something in over 240 years.
One of them was to know when to keep your mouth shut and just be
there for somebody.
Eventually her sobbing subsided, and she managed to let him walk her
back to the main room where she could sit on the couch with him. She
looked up at him with tear filled eyes.
“Giles...” she managed in between sobs. “Giles stuck something in me,
Angel. He’s taken my powers... he’s lost... I’ve lost... oh, God,
Angel!” Her renewed sobs into his chest made Angel’s heart scream
inside him. What had Giles done to her? He didn’t know whether to be
angry, mad or what... but now he just knew that when she felt pain,
he felt the pain, too.
“Buffy,” he said quietly, trying not to force her. “What happened?”
“It’s a trial of passage.” she finally got out. “Every slayer on her
18th birthday, if she lives, is given this... serum that neutralizes
her powers. She’s then locked in some house with a vampire that she
has to kill in order to pass. You’re supposed to use your brains, not
brawn.” Her gaze drifted off, glazing over.
“And Giles?” he asked. She nodded weakly, and he pulled her close
again, holding her tight. He sighed. He had heard that they do things
like that, but never thought that she would have to go through it.
Giles seemed to treat Buffy differently than other Watchers he had
seen. He wouldn’t seem to be the type to do that.
“Buffy.” he said, picking her chin up. She looked at him, searching
his eyes for comfort or strength, not sure which. “Buffy, you are
strong. Even without your powers, you’re an amazing woman. You know
I’ve watched you for a long time. I fell in love with you long before
you became a slayer. I could see your strength, your commitment,
your feelings inside.”
“But Giles betrayed me.” Her tone of the word ‘betrayed’ sent a
shiver down his spine. This entire thing had shook Buffy to the core,
took her whole value system and turned it upside down. He could
think of very few things that could do this to her... her mom,
Willow, Giles... and himself. He knew he had hurt her before, and he
knew she needed now, just like then, someone to support her.
“I know, Buffy. I know.” He hugged her again, tightly. “I’ll stand
with you, you know that. I’ll always stand with you, Buffy.
Everything will be all right. I promise.”
And it was. The vampire the Watchers had captured had taken her mom,
yet she had asked him not to help, and she had won. But he was close
by. He never let her out of his sight if he could help it.
And when you cry, I'll be right there,
Telling you you were never nothing less than beautiful.
This new Watcher worried Angel somewhat. Giles was, regardless of
everything they had been through, a very open-minded man when it came
to he and Buffy’s relationship. He admired the Watcher, who was more
like a father to Buffy. This stodgy newcomer was a problem, Angel
sensed. Giles may have been all right with it, but how would a ‘by
the book’ watcher react to a slayer and a vampire in love? Even one
with a soul?
With a soul. Angel chuckled to himself in the darkness, then got
quiet quickly as he realized he actually had chuckled. What was a
soul? Denied because of the demon that took his body, he got his soul
back last time thanks to Willow. He had a flash of orange in his
eyes at the time, looked at Buffy then as if waking from a long
sleep, and saw the look of terror and love in her eyes. He collapsed
in front of her, pulling her into his arms as she cried on her
shoulder. He loved her more than anything, and had missed her so
much. She told him she loved him.
“I love you, too.” he said. Then she plunged that sword right through
him. She might as well have taken a stake and drove it through his
heart then. He felt himself pulled backwards as she sped away from
him at a million miles per hour.
“Buffy!” he cried out. But it was all for naught. He spent the next
one hundred years in agony. He cried, he screamed, he begged for
mercy, but none was to come. He was truly in hell. But the flames,
the pain, the screams were nothing compared to the screams in his
soul, the screams for Buffy...
Many times in his eternal torment, he cried out “Why? Buffy, Why???”
over and over, tears streaming out from his eyes not from the
physical pain, but the emotional pain. He loved her, he gave her his
heart and his soul itself. He knew something bad had happened, he
knew of the curse. But he loved her. She was his world. He would
rather have died than known that she hated him. And now he must
endure eternal torment knowing that the woman he loved had sent him
Angel closed his eyes, his stomach knotting up. His memories of his
time in hell were intense, but he was starting to be able to deal
with them a little more. When he suddenly found himself deposited
back on the floor of his mansion, and she found him, he was little
more than a savage beast, the humanity within him stripped away. But
she had brought him back.
Then she killed him a little more.
Then she told him about Scott. The nice, ‘stable’ guy she was seeing.
She had moved on. Angel fought the tears, his back to her as she
told him. Was this the torture that he had inflicted upon her when he
was soul-less? One night he had gathered himself enough to go out.
He came upon Buffy and Scott in the Bronze, sitting in a corner table
with everyone else. It was easy enough to make himself not be seen.
But when he saw her lips touch Scott’s, all he wanted to do was
disappear off the face of the Earth. She was his! But.. but she was
not his anymore. He sighed, tears falling down his cheeks as he
leaned, half obscured, behind the doorframe.
Tears ran down Buffy’s cheeks when she was looking at him standing
over the village, the sun brightening the horizon. She was pleading
for him to come back inside. But this was his one chance. His one
chance to be strong. He had told her. He told her he didn’t want to
go on without her.
“This world wants me gone.” he said. Then she whispered something
that warmed his cold, dead heart.
“And what about me?” He could have sworn his heart beat when she said
that. He looked back at her, his insides screaming, his arms wanting
to reach out and pull her close. She told him she loved him, too.
And, due to a ‘freak’ snow storm, he lived, his heart soaring as
their feeling for each other were released. She loved him. He loved
her. There was never a more precious, beautiful thing, than their
love. Angel was aware that his very existance was a damnation, yet he
knew about God, and he knew a miracle when he saw one. They were
divinely blessed to be together. He honestly believed that God meant
for them to be together. And that made him happy.
So don't you worry,
I'm your Angel standing by.
Buffy stirred in her sleep, as the angelic face he watched opened her
eyes and looked up at him in the dark. Angel looked down at her,
tears running down his cheeks. He knelt to be closer to her face as
she blinked away sleep.
“I love you.” he breathlessly whispered, never meaning it more than
he did right now. He softly touched her face, smiling benevolently.
“I love you...” she responded quietly. What had brought him here? How
long had he been here? Why was he crying like this?
“Angel?” she said. He suppressed a sob, leaning over and kissing her
forehead. He softly wiped the remains of his tear from her cheek, and
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