Unsent Letters

Angel swallowed hard, looking straight into the eyes of the one person he never really wanted to have the letter.

Cordelia cast her eyes between the two of them, turned and walked back to her desk. All she could do is step back now and let them talk it out.

Angel stepped back as Buffy entered the room, and he closed the door behind her. She walked in, hugging herself, as if holding herself together by her arms. She looked at him for a moment, and he moved closer to her. She turned and walked back and down the steps to his loft, with Angel right behind her.

Angel could hardly believe this was happening… here was Buffy, back in his life again, maybe understanding a little as to why he left and how he still feels the way he does. He looked up from his walking as he heard her sigh deeply as she looked around his loft. He wondered for a moment if she remembered… if she remembered the tea, the table, the refrigerator, the bed, the chocolate… a sadness washed over him as his plight again took hold of his senses.

She stood by the doorway to his bedroom, turned to face him and leaned against the doorframe. He stopped a few feet from her, and they spend a moment that seemed like eternity looking in each other’s eyes.

Dear Angel:

They say love conquers all. I’m not sure if love can do that, since you and I are no longer together. But I know that your love conquered me.

I write this as I leave your office after saying we should ‘keep our distance’, and we should both ‘forget’. But as I walk away, I feel a sadness that I didn’t feel before. I try to rationalize it as anxiety from getting to see you, but it’s something more. I feel that I’ve lost something that I’ve always wanted, and I can’t for the life of me put my finger on it.

Unless it’s just you.

We’ve been through a lot together… fighting evil, fighting each other, me having to kill you when the portal from Alactha opened. That was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, Angel. You had just gotten your soul back, and I finally had you again. I thought I’d lost you forever. But there you were. My same, loving, caring Angel that I fell in love with long ago. I honestly don’t think I would have been strong enough to do it… let the Earth go to hell for all I cared, as long as we were together. But I thought somewhere deep inside that you would want me to do that. You have always been big on the ‘martyr’ thing. And I have always admired you for that.

Then you came back… and try as I might to let go, thinking you were ‘gone’ forever… I couldn’t walk away from you. I guess it’s true. Self-reflection has told me that you and I are bound together forever. And other guys… Scott, Parker, Riley… all together cannot represent what I feel for you.

As I write this, I get flashes of immense happiness between us. Of you and I making love. Of you and I in bed, snuggled up again in bliss. Something changed between us. I don’t know if this was a daydream or a simple wish from me, but I know it’s something that I’ve always wanted.

Alone, I am half a person. Together, I am whole again.

But is this something that I can tell you? I don’t know. You have your thing there in LA and I have Sunnydale. Evil abounds, and evil seems to drive us apart. I don’t care about children, about eternity. I care about you… about us. Give us a chance?

You may never read this, but I need you to know two things.

You are my soul-mate.

I love you, forever.

Buffy

Angel looked up from the letter to Buffy, tears streaming down his face. An unsent letter. Buffy was crying, too. She belived she must have read that letter a thousand times over, memorizing every word and sentence. Angel tried to open his mouth, to speak, but nothing came out. She crossed over to him, put a hand up to his mouth and stopped him, pressing her eyes shut at the same time as fresh tears streamed down her face. Too long had they been apart, and now that she was with him, she couldn’t hold back anymore.

Buffy looked up into his handsome face. She took her hand where it was covering his mouth and gently ran her hands across his lips. Those full, beautiful lips that she had kissed so many times, but never enough times. Her head turned slightly as she became enraptured just touching his lips. She noticed he reacted as well, and suddenly realized that she was closer, a lot closer to him.

Angel pulled her close to him, and she settled into his arms, feeling at home again. She knew where she belonged, and he loved the feel of her is his arms. They kissed, passionately, both of them feeling a thirst as if they traveled in the desert for a thousand days. Angel’s life was almost complete now… she was his soul mate. This was what he had been waiting for. Redemption laid not in others, but in her arms.

He pulled her back into the bedroom with him, and she went willingly, their lips locked in passion. They broke contact only momentarily as Angel pressed something into her hand. Buffy looked at it… a stake. Her face contorted as she suddenly realized what he wanted her to do. She shook her head, but he nodded, and she could see it in his eyes. He wanted this. He wanted her. She began to cry again, even as they kissed again.

Sadness was replaced by excitement and the fires of passion as their clothes came off and they collapsed on the bed together.

Angel’s hands clasped her head closely as they kissed, their bodies interlocked in love. Her legs were wrapped around him, their arms holding each other tightly as they gave each other the greatest gift possible. Life through love. Angel felt alive. Nevermore so in his time, living or dead, did he feel the way he did now. They rolled over so she was on top of him, and kissed deeply. Angel’s hands ran all over her body, taking in all the feeling possible with his body, his mind, his spirit. Their hands clasped together in the throes of passion, one’s skin against the others, two beings became one as they searched and found the comfort deep inside each other.

They climaxed together, providing a closure of sorts to the most magnificent lovemaking either of them had experienced in their lives.

Buffy laid her head on Angel’s chest, and suddenly had another one of those flashbacks. The same situation, but hearing his heart beat. She lifted her head and looked up at him abruptly, only to find his eyes shut and dozing off. She wondered if he would ever speak to her again. Probably not. But he did look like an angel when he was asleep. If she had never experienced it first hand, she could never imagine such a gentle, loving and benevolent man being so savage.

Buffy loved this man with all her heart. She would do anything for her. Which was why she was doing this. She got up on her knees over his sleeping form, and raised the stake he had given her above her head. Angelus could not be released on the world again, and he knew this. But he would sacrifice himself for their love, and, just one more time, she knew how much he loved her.

Tears streamed down her face as he bottom lip trembled. She looked down at him, crying harder now as she struggled within herself. She let her arms drop for a moment, covering her face, her tears covering the stake she held. She looked at him again, and because of her love for him, she would do as he asked. She raised her arms above her head, preparing to drive the stake into his heart. She said her goodbyes to him.