Welcome to Denial of Destiny!



Love by Monitor Light 

by Mark Jones

Technology sure has proven useful in the past years. There still was no substitute for books, especially when you need information on a rare Sans Gnostia demon. The Internet had it’s good things, but you couldn’t find just anything on it.

Angel was clicking through his 8th website looking for more information on the Sans demon. He was surprised how much really was there about demons on the internet… and vampires, and werewolves, oh my. He chuckled to himself, and was about to hit another link when an Instant Message popped up.

Butterfly: Hi.

Angel’s forehead crinkled up in confusion. Few people had his IM address, such as Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn. And none of them were really on good speaking terms as Angel walked in and threatened to physically (and knowing him painfully) move Cordelia if she didn’t give him a book. Angel’s guts churned slightly thinking about their tumultuous relationship. All things considered, he was a Libra. He didn’t like people mad at him or anything, but when you’re evil for a couple of hundred years, you find a few people pissed at you. Sighing, Angel wrote back, not really in the mood for chit chat.

Lost1: hello.

He had used this screen name before when he took up the silliest thing… roleplaying. He would take on the persona of an FBI agent who had a red headed partner, and Angel found some comfort in turning himself into someone else. He had also noticed people had some strange penchant to want to be a vampire. If they only knew…

Butterfly: How are you?

Lost1: Good, thanks. Yourself?
Butterfly: Fine. What are you up to?

Lost1: Nothing much, surfing.

Butterfly: Same here. I was in the RP room ‘Uncanny Investigations’ the other day.

Angel’s eyebrows shot up in recognition. He had gamed there for quite a few hours the other day. He was sure that he could have been doing something much more productive, but he was tired. More than usual. He sighed again, as reality hit him. He was soul weary, tired of the weight of the fight on his shoulders. Well, here’s someone to help him get his mind off it for a while.

Much like Darla was…

Lost1: Oh, did you see my masterful performance? lol

Butterfly: I thought you played your character with a lot of emotion and feeling… a lot more than he normally does.

Lost1: I know, sometimes I really hate when they get so close to a ‘moment’, and then it drops.

Butterfly: Me, too! Doesn’t that make you totally mad?

Angel paused for a moment. "Butterfly" had something in common with him, at least in regards to their taste in drama and such.

Butterfly: You know, if only life could be like we make it up in roleplay or something.

Lost1: I agree… what a picture perfect world we’d have then, huh?

If only that was the way. But 245 years had impressed upon Angel that life was nothing like roleplaying. Well, if you include a lot of darkness, some aliens, demons, plagues and the occasional good, bright spot in your life, it could be like real life. But who wanted to play ‘real life’?

Butterfly: So… would you like to RP with me?

Lost1: Now?

Butterfly: Sure, unless this is a bad time for you.

Sigh again. Knowing full and well he should be working on a thousand different things, Angel realized that this was something he couldn’t refuse. Besides, there are so many ‘non-relationshippers’ out there, that when you find someone who will play your partner and understand you, you should grab on.

The game went well. The storyline moved from the office, driving around and working on a burning-man / alien conspiracy case together. His partner was pretty smart and was good at the roleplay as well. He found he could get along with her well, and she felt about her character just as he did about his… they both needed to realize what was right in front of their face.

Three hours later…

Butterfly: Well, I’m kind of tired, I need to go to bed.

Lost1: Yeah, me, too. That was… fun, thanks a lot!

Butterfly: Oh, thank you! You were great, as always. My name is Jewel.

Angel’s mouth sat at an odd angle as he thought up a name fast.

Lost1: I’m David.

Butterfly: Nice to meet you, David. I hope we get to do this again soon. Can I BL you?

Being honest with himself, Angel was an antisocial guy. He had no one on his buddy list, but he knew the others in his group (oh, that pain again…) had him on theirs. He normally didn’t care to be involved, but it was nice to talk to someone.

Lost1: Sure.

Butterfly: Thanks, David. Good night.

Angel shut the light out, layed back, and thought about everything that had transpired with this wonderful person on the other end of the computer.

Jewel turned out to be a really nice girl. She lived in California. She was a college student, but Angel never quite thought to ask her what she was studying… He found himself in the middle of a roleplay with her for the next few nights. The following night, emotions were overcoming him as he poured his own essence into his character as they drove along together on the road, roleplaying after the last "Uncanny Investigations’ movie came out.

Lost1: ::exhales audibly:: If you and I were any closer, Gillian, I'd use language that you don't normally hear from me...

Butterfly: i know how you feel Fox, i never though i'd say this, but i miss Pillegey

Lost1: Me, too... I never could figure it out, but it seem slike he was on our side. Speaking of Pillegey... ::looks at you sideways::

Butterfly: what?

Butterfly: if this is about that kiss....it just happened...it meant nothing..::shrinks in seat::

Lost1: I've heard a few.. rumors flying around about you and Pillegey... something about when I was gone in the triangle...

Lost1: So it is true... ::evil grin again::

Butterfly: i was just really glad Pillegey found where you were!

Lost1: Apparently so... well, far be it from me to stand in the way of good romance... ::looks nonchalantly out the window::

Butterfly: Oh Fox!

Lost1: ::snickers::

Butterfly: if you would have been there i would have kissed you! ::quickly looks out window, again shrinking in her seat::

Lost1: ::eyebrows shoot up again, looks over at you:: Hmm... really... well, when you found me you didn't... well, not as such... I guess I kinda had to... myself... um.... ::pays strict attention to the road::

Butterfly: ::smiles::

Lost1: ::glances a grin at you:: Well, at least Pillegey got to know what your lips felt like. ::immediately blushes and looks across field, not believing he said that::

Butterfly: well, if that bee wouldn't have gotton in the way...:: looks away, alsonot believing she said that::

Lost1: ::bites his upper lip, looks back to the road:: yeah.... ::lapses into awkward silence::

Butterfly: Fox..::looks at him and puts her hand on his:: thank you for that.

Lost1: ::looks somewhat perplexed:: for... what?

Butterfly: you saved me from making one of the biggest mistakes of my life

Lost1: What was that, Gillian?

Butterfly: if you wouldn't have said what you said, we might not be here today

Lost1: ::looks solemn:: It's all true, Gillian. You have kept me grounded, sane to a point. You have... completed me. And I have to thank you now.

Butterfly: Fox, i owe you more thanks that you could ever possibly owe me

Lost1: No, you don't. I owe you everything. And you, still, owe me nothing. You came after me in the Triangle... you continue to do these things for me when your own job is at stake. Thank you, Gillian, for staying with me.

Butterfly: Fox, i do these things because your my friend, i care about you a lot and i'd do anything for you...

Lost1: ::pulls the car over into a gas station, twists in the seat to face you:: Gillian... will you stay with me? Will you promise? There's so much for me to say to you...

Butterfly: Fox, of course i'll stay with you, why would i leave...

Lost1: ::looks down:: I don't know... but I'm always scared that you will. Sometimes I want you to… to protect you, so I know you'll be safe in another job, another life... away from me... ::voice trails off::

Butterfly: Fox, if i were away from you, what makes you think my life would be safe...or happy...

Lost1: Because they would be after me, not you. And... I don't know that I could take seeing them get to you again. ::looks at you, eyes brimming with tears:: I don't want to lose you...

Butterfly: Fox..::Tears swell in her eyes::

Lost1: I have this... dream, I think it is, of me in another man's body, and looking at you... and... I'm so scared because I may never get to touch you or be with you again. It's weird... seems so... lifelike...

Butterfly: ::a tear falls down her cheek::

Lost1: ::looks back and forth in the car, a tear matching hers:: there aren't any bees in here, are there? ::half-laughs::

Butterfly: ::smiles, eyes still glistening with tears::

Lost1: ::looks up at you, closes the distance a little, lost in your beautiful eyes::

Butterfly: ::that's so sweet::

Lost1: How could I...ever... ::voice grows almost inaudible as he gets closer to you::

Butterfly: ::also moves closer::

Butterfly: Fox...::looks into his eyes::

Lost1: ::you barely hear his whiper as his lips get close to yours:: not... love... you...

Butterfly: ::more tears fall down her face::

Lost1: ::lips carefully, cautiously, softly touch::

Butterfly: ::how romantic::

Lost1: ::there would be no other way with you, Gillian.::

Butterfly: ::;)::

Lost1: ::his face after a moment parts from yours, pulls back a little, and searches your face for emotions::

Butterfly: ::her eyes are still closed, wishing you were still right in front of her::

Lost1: :;searches, looking up to your eyes and back down to your lips, gets a clue for a change, and moves back in to kiss you, a little more passionately this time::

Butterfly: ::she pulls you closer to her::

Lost1: ::runs his fingers thru your beautiful red hair, loving the feeling of your mouth... my lips part as I pull you closer as well::

Butterfly: ::slowly pulls away, but not wanting to, whispers quietly:: Can you believe how long we've been fighting this? ::Looks deep in his eyes::

Lost1: Too long.. ::cupping your cheek, admiring the slope of her chin; the pouty, beautiful lips; those wonderful blue eyes::

Butterfly: i'm sorry Fox..

Lost1: What for?

Butterfly: for walking away from you in the hospital when you told me you loved me

Angel paused for a moment, wiping a tear from his cheek. Wow, she was really good, and he didn’t know how he could stand this. He never believed in the Internet, really… not about finding someone else over the Internet, but Jewel really drove his emotions through the roof.

Butterfly: (If you’re as much like me as I think you are, you’re in tears right now.)

Lost1: (You got that right, wow! This is incredible. I never knew I could feel this, but I guess it’s like reading a good book.)

Butterfly: Like ‘Romeo and Juliet’

Lost1: Yes, indeed. Lovers kept apart, very tragic…

There was a silence between them, suddenly. For Angel, it represented his lonely soul. He realized that all he had felt lately was the cold. Darla was a distraction… and a mistake. Nothing more. But his little ‘talk’ in his head with the Powers That Be gave him a kick in the pants to make things right. One of the first things is to stop being so self destructive.

Butterfly: Would you like to meet?

If he still had to breathe, he would have stopped with that simple statement. He knew she lived somewhere close to here, and he had mentioned to her that he lived in LA. He knew nothing about her really… he didn’t know what she looked like, didn’t know anything about her background and she knew even less about his. But he did know that she and her boyfriend had recently broke up, and she had gone through some tragedy as well. She knew he was as single as they come.

Butterfly: I’m sorry, I guess that was really too fast. Like Nascar fast.

Lost1: No, it just took my by surprise. I’d like to meet you.

Angel wished he could take back the typing after he hit ‘enter’ and it appeared on the screen. What was he thinking? What was she thinking? You never know who you might meet out there… this person could be pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, tall, short or even a vampire. But there was something about her to which he found he could easily relate. She was sensitive. He was drawn to her because they were two of a kind. A public meeting place was in order…

Butterfly: How about the Park at Rodeo, say, 1:00 tomorrow afternoon?

Angel grimaced.

Lost1: That’s not really good for me. I work inside all day, and nights are when I’m pretty free to roam around.

Not a total lie…

Butterfly: Okay. How about Bennigans on 4th and Main at 7:00?

Lost1: Sounds good. How will I know it’s you?

A moment later, the response came though.

Butterfly: There’s an old fashioned jukebox there, sit at the bar and I’ll play that Leigh Nash song.

Lost1: "Kiss me?"

Butterfly: I don’t know you that well. Lol. You’ll figure it out. ::winking::

Lost1: Okay. I’ll be at the corner of the bar, and will have a red rose.

Butterfly: Cool. Well, this… I mean, it doesn’t mean…

Lost1: I know, you’re right. We’ll talk when you get there.

Angel sat on the corner of the bar, a half-consumed Pepsi before him. He didn’t have a good view of the entrance, and the place was getting very crowded around this time. A blond haired girl, baring a lot of her chest, came over and introduced herself as "Andrea." She was busy trying to convince Angel to buy her a drink. He politely bought her one, and she seemed to want another (or something else)… when Angel heard the first strains of "Need To Be Next To You" come over the loudspeaker. He immediately began to ignore Andrea and scanned the crowd, seeing a petite female figure making her way from the jukebox to where he now stood.

Been running from these feelings for so long, telling my heart I didn’t need it

She rounded the corner, walking towards him. Angel’s mouth dropped when he saw her. She was so beautiful, even more so than he ever dared imagine. Why would a goddess like her be out on the Internet for a date???

Pretending I was better off alone, but I know that was just a lie

She came up to him, and took the rose from him that he held somewhat numbly in his hand, smiling. Angel’s mouth was agape as he realized this was the woman he was going to be with the rest of his (un)life.

So afraid to take a chance again

He looked deep in her beautiful blue eyes, and became lost in her. No wonder she was like a reflection of his own soul. He managed to find breath to speak softly.

So afraid of what I feel inside

"Buffy…" and they kissed.

Oh I need to be next to you.

I need to share every breath with you

I need to know I can see your smile each morning,

Look into your eyes each night,

For the rest of my life…

Here with you, near with you, oh I…

I need to be next to you.


* To Be Continued *

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